Turning 2

Gavin turned 2 in June. Since then these are things that have changed about him: *He sleeps in a toddler bed- this was not by our choice but by his own choice of LEAPING from his crib when it was night-night time. It got so dangerous, the thoughts of having to take care of 2 infants and a toddler with a broken neck made me want to puke...so toddler bed it was! Since the toddler bed transition, he has slept: in our bed, next to Prints' cage (in Gavin's room), Gavin's bed (temporarily until sleeping in the other places listed), next to the entertainment center in the living room, on the wood floor outside our bedroom door. *He no longer addresses his parents by mama and dada (unless asked to repeat something in that form to one of those parents)- it is now Mom and Dad. For instance: Don't Mom, Don't Dad. No Mom, No Dad. *His "no" has changed. Since I have been home his no changed from no to nonononono. That drove me CRAZY. I told him that one no would be just as effective. Now, his no can be any of these (by his own creation): No. Nawwww. Nuh uh. *He rolls his eyes. Favorite foods: Tacos, gushers, fruit snacks, gummie bears (his vitamin) Some random stories or things he says: BIG DIGGER RIGHT THERE! HUGE! Dirty wheels (tires) Naughty trucks (cars) grass Too heavy, far Where did that ______ (mama, daddy, Prints, baby, anything else) go? There it is, right there. (Us: What do you want for Breakfast/dinner?) Tacos MONSTER TRUCKS! Door open? (He has this huge thing with doors recently) Scared water. Big Boom. Crash. Boats. Peoples in water. Splash. (he goes on and on about this particular thing...I don't even know where it comes from but it is always the same story) Smells good (smelling something freshly cleaned) All better (when a ouchy is healed or kissed) Yes, Sir. Nice 'n Cool (this was something Brandon said when it was hot in here and he had the air off and that he would turn it off so it would be 'nice n cool'...he said it once and now Gavin says it all the time) Bye- see you next time _____ (insert name) Good boy! & Watch out, Watch out!(He says this every time Prints comes in the house from going potty and he runs into the living room while yelling watch out) Alright, that's all I have now. Busy Busy.

A Mothers Sacrifice

I am beginning to understand a bit more of what my title of being a mother means. I know I would gladly give my life for my children, no questions asked. Every day that passes makes me feel guilty more and more for what I feel like I have done...by choosing our unborn children over my only born child. In retrospect I know he is well taken care of by his father and grandparents but it feels still like I have abandoned my only first born. I also feel like I have given up my relationship with my husband and abandoned my dog (as much of a pain he is). I feel alone. I hate when they visit me because I know soon they will leave again. There are no words or advice anyone can give me to make me not feel this way. 17 days left until the babies are born, gives me no comfort... especially with the month or so of their NICU stay to follow. Another sacrifice is my freedom. I have been here for 6 weeks on Thursday with 2 more weeks to go. These have been the longest 6 weeks of my life. During this time I have had several days where I cried for hours, wanting to just go home or go somewhere else...anywhere. There have been days of achievement: scrapbooking, games, crochet (seriously I learned a little the other day). I have read 6.5 books (The Hunger Games series, Shades of Grey series and parts of others) and several magazines. I'm allowed to leave my room on foot but there's only so many places inside the hospital to go. I had to sacrifice my food. I'm not going to boo hoo about gestational diabetes but I will say when you are limited to the same things to eat for.this many weeks without it being your choice... I think anyone could understand. My pregnant friends can probably relate. Try waking up at 5am and waiting Til 8:30am before eating anything. This is my life. Same food every day. Today, I tried to eat something off the regular daily breakfast and was immediately stopped and ordered my regular breakfast and when that arrived and I didn't eat it, it became a huge issue. I spent the morning crying. I have other sacrifices but they are pretty superficial: happiness, my body, my sanity at times.

28 weeks and counting

Let me just start this by saying it is difficult to write this right now. Not only am I having to sit in the hospital lobby but I have my Fire propped up on my stomach and the babies are playing footsy with it...along with feeling hiccips in my butt (only mom's can relate AND/OR make such statements). Anyways, I know it has been a while since blogging last. Besides the complaints many have read or commented on, not much else goes on around here. This is my prison. Every day is basically the same as the day before only sometimes I have visitors. My day consists of: waking up to someone poking my finger at 6am due to gestational diabetes, my resident Dr swings by around 6:30am to listen to my heart and push on my legs to check for swelling (there hasn't been any swelling), around 7:35-8am breakfast comes (my diet is limited to 1/2 cup scrambled eggs, 2 pieces of toast that is barely toasted, 2 pieces of sausage. Two days of the week I get French toast-2 pieces and another day is 1 blueberry pancake), they do my vitals before I eat and give me the prenatal vitamin and the nurse asks me if I'm having contractions or anything (no), I shower after eating then get put on the NST for 20 min (sometimes a resident Dr does an ultrasound to find the heart locations of each baby but as of recently the babies are generally in the same spot- baby a is on the right is head down and the presenting baby, baby b is on the left and is sometimes resting his head on baby a's head or chest), 2 hours after breakfast they check my blood sugar again, 11:30 is lunch, 2 hours later they check my blood sugar and might do vitals, my Dr here visits sometime in the afternoon to discuss the NST tests, free time between 12-5:30, dinner at 5:30, vitals and blood sugar test 7:30, night nurse routine (contractions, etc), NST test around 9pm, last vitals around 10, then sleep. Weekly I get weighed because of my diet. I have gained 2 lbs since being in here. I'm not ashamed to say I have gained 30 lbs this pregnancy. Last week the babies weighed 2.4lbs and 2.12lbs. Next week we get another growth scan to see how much of a difference their weights will be. Not much else is going on...just counting down the days.

Rip My Heart Out

Today, I actually stood there doing dishes crying. I probably would have been bawling my eyes out if Brandon wasn't sitting in a chair across from where I was standing- looking at me like I was crazy. I don't know what it has been about today but I feel like my heart is going to burst at any moment. 


It was a normal day for us. We took the boys (Brandon and Gavin obviously) for haircuts. Gavin was great. He didn't cry. He interacted with the hairdresser. He commented on the Dr. Seuss movie that was playing. Everything went awesome and he looks so good with his new haircut. The hairdresser commented on how good he was and kept complimenting him. Afterwards, we went to Walmart to return somethings and the cashier also commented on how sweet Gavin was. 


Let me start back at the beginning of the day. Every day that Brandon wakes up at home and doesn't work (his 2nd day home basically), he will go and get Gavin out of bed and change him so that I don't have to do it. And every day that he does this, Gavin comes running into my room saying "Mom! Mom!" and my heart actually swells (well, maybe not actually but it feels like it). He climbs up in the bed next to me and I say "Good Morning" and he whispers "Good Morning" back to me. 


Ok..now we can go back to where I was before... so anyway- we got home and ate lunch and everyone took naps (yes, that is how we roll around here). When we woke up to Gavin crying, Brandon again went to get him from his nap and I laid in bed for a few minutes. That is...until I heard Gavin crying "Mom? Mom!" My heart breaks. Brandon was on the couch trying to get him calmed down watching cartoons and Gavin just kept crying and saying "MOM..." So, I went out and got him and sat with him for a while. He cuddled up to me and made me smile even though my heart was breaking. 


Then, we went to the store and came home and Gavin and Brandon spent time outside and I spent time inside by myself. Gavin opened the front door and said "Mom?" and I hid. He closed the door and was back outside. Soon he had the door open again saying "Mom? Mommmm" I came out from hiding and asked what he wanted and then asked if he wanted me to come outside and he nodded. He puts his little hand in mine as we walk back outside. Eventually we had to come back inside. I started some dishes. Brandon cleaned the tile and started laundry. Brandon turned the Pandora radio on the DVD player and blasted Disney music and Gavin danced. He danced on the floor...he danced on the couch. I cried. 


When Brandon gives Gavin a bath, he first puts him on the potty to try to get him to use it. I hear "Mom! Mom!" When Gavin is in the bath tub, I hear "Mom!" When bath time is over, I hear "Mom!" And then to top it off tonight, Brandon went to read books with Gavin (which is what we do before bedtime...I do it while Brandon is working and the first night Brandon is home and he does it the night before he leaves for work) and Gavin ran out of the room to come see me. He didn't want to read books with his dad. He wanted me. He cried. I felt like crying. Eventually Brandon got him in the bedroom without me in there but Gavin cried as he was taking him in there. 


Why am I crying? What is breaking my heart? I have to leave my son who I have spent virtually every day (minus like literally 7 days) of his life with in less than 2 weeks. In less than 2 weeks I may spend 8 weeks away, only seeing him maybe once or stretching it- twice a week for only a few hours each visit. It's really starting to hit home and I will guess more and more tears will be coming. I feel like crying just saying this now. There is nothing I can do about this either. It's for the best for our unborn babies but for my son who is already here and attached to me... my heart breaks. 

21 Weeks and 3 Weeks Left of Freedom

Well, nothing really exciting happening lately. I am feeling lots of kicks, from many directions. Sometimes they kick at the same time...sometimes it starts with one, then they alternate. It's actually pretty amazing. 


We are doing some home projects (still) like building a fence, finishing our guest room, "mowing" the grass and planting grass. It's all coming along very nicely. Well...that's all I have to say. Short and sweet. 

21 weeks

19 weeks (19.4) and a Month of FREEDOM

We went to our 19 week appointment this week with the OB and everything was still great. He measured my stomach and it measures at 24 weeks (if that gives you an idea of how huge I feel). This is normal for twin pregnancies. Baby A was breech and Baby B was head down- literally with his feet on Baby A's face. Aww...brotherly love. 


I feel pretty good though, besides feeling large. I don't get nauseous really anymore but I still have food aversions though sometimes I am too hungry to care.  Sometimes I can't really stand and have to bend over (hands on knees) to talk but I chalk that up to all the weight in the front. Did I mention I feel huge? Cuz I do. And it will only get worse!


We picked out names! Yep. Only took a few days to figure out what was best but we did. With Gavin, I thought I would forget his name since we really didn't say it much before he was born, because it was a secret. Now that we have TWO babies to know names of...I'm leaning more towards wanting to tell people. 


Here is a picture of 19.4 weeks:

And....their names are William Michael Kludt (Will) and Nathan Lee Kludt (Nate)

An Analogy for our MoMo Pregnancy

Fraternal Twins are basically like this: The babies have their own apartments (sacs) with their own kitchen (placentas).


Monoamniotic Dichorionic aka MoDi (Identical twins): The babies have their own hotel rooms with their own beds (sacs) but must eat at the same restaurant (share placenta). 


Monoamniotic Monochorionic aka MoMo (Identical twins):  The babies basically have a studio apartment. They share a bedroom (sac) and kitchen (placenta).